lyrics by Jackson Dawes
I was born in New York City im a New Yorker through and through When I die, I'll be buried in NYC Well, I don't want to be buried I want to be blown up but you get my meaning This one time a friend and I were on this little shitsplat parkway linking Manchester and London, Kentucky Remote mountains of Appalachia Trailer meth labs and double barreled shotguns Trust me, this ain't the Bronx Well, maybe Co-Op City And there's a tollbooth halfway through So I pull up to pay my 40 cents only there's a lady in a car ahead of me And she's handing over a nickel And now a dime ... no, wait, that's a button let me see if I have a dime After 20 seconds, I'm laying on the horn The lady continues to apply Euclidian theorem to her selection of currency She thinks she has another nickel Oh, that's a cough drop May I have it back please, dear? Guitar solo! After 45 seconds, I have the window down and I'm yelling such delightful phrases like WILL YOU HURRY THE FUCK UP ALREADY, JESUS CHRIST and I'LL PAY FOR BOTH OF US WILL YOU JUST GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FORD FOCUS OUT OF MY ONE AND ONLY PATH My friend was looking at me as if I had sprouted a second head and not a good-looking head but one of those genetic afterbirth things It was then that I realized that perhaps the way I drive is geography-specific New Jersey drivers, Pennsylvania drivers and Massachusetts drivers all have their own distinct style of operational fuckery I used to keep a handful of pennies that I bent in half with a pair of pliers in the ashtray in case anyone cut me off All I have to do is pull alongside him and wham! Hope you have touchup paint! I yell at people. I slam on my brakes I follow people who need some justice. There's a million things you can do Try putting an M-80 into the tailpipe of a parked car Push it into the muffler with a coat hanger Car heats up, about 15 minutes later the metal is hot enough to light the fuse and BOOM! I guess I'd feel bad if they swerved into a busload of kids, but these things happen I love New York I love New York I love New York